For the longest time, my husband and I had date night on Friday. It was one of the big things that we had done, trying to make our marriage successful, and to survive the years with young kids (I’m sure a lot of you can relate). However – there was a big problem about our Friday night date nights – they would often end in arguments. I’m not talking about little nippy things. A lot of times we would end up not being able to continue with the date night and going our separate ways. There are a couple of reasons this was happening.
The world is going crazy for Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue, Canadian figure skaters, who have just won the 2018 gold medal for their free dance skate in the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics. Everybody wants them to be in a relationship, even though they have said they are just friends. I want to kind of dissect a little bit why that is, and also what we can learn about their relationship for our marriages.
The last couple of days, I’ve been having to deal with some really scary stuff for me, and it all revolves around taxes and GST garbley-goop (yes, that’s a word, I just invented it). If you’re Canadian, you’ll know what I’m talking about. I’ve been on the phone with the government, panicking and feeling generally overwhelmed and basically losing my mind.
I think it’s so important to discuss how marriage really is – beyond the romantic fantasies of amazing couples and the happy selfie snaps on Facebook. So, in the spirit of truthfulness, I’m going to share with you how my Valentine’s Day went this year – how I really failed at it, and how my husband and I recovered.
Today I was in the kitchen making tuna and rice. It’s Saturday morning and we literally have nothing in our house. You guys ever have that? Where you’re like, “I’m hungry and there’s literally nothing to make except for leftovers and a can of tuna”? Well, that’s where I was at. I was really hungry, and while opening the can of tuna, I sliced my finger (okay, I guess sliced is a little dramatic… but it hurt, and I could feel the knife blade go in, and I already had low blood sugar. Usually I have to eat by 8:30 but it was like 11:30 at this point).
I just got off the phone with a really good friend that I haven’t spoken to in a long time, and surprise-surprise, guess what we ended up talking about? Well, yes, there’s lots of things, but marriage of course came up, because generally speaking, I can share my passion with my friends. She was telling me some really cool stuff that she was trying in her marriage, and with her permission, I’d like to share it with you.
Okay. This is a hard topic to talk about, and it includes a lot of sensitive stuff – but it’s something that we really need to talk about…
A woman in my group today posted an article from Scary Mommy, which I love. They speak the truth and they’re very real. The article was asking, why do we have to ask our husbands to help with the housework? They should just know to do it. We’re tired of asking and being nags and getting into that cycle and pattern. It’s frustrating and we don’t think it’s fair. I want to talk about that today, and I also want to give you some solutions for this issue, because there’s no point in talking about problems without solutions, as many men would say (there’s a little inside look into the male brain).
I had the absolute pleasure of talking to a husband last night whose wife when through my program, “30 Days to Wanting It More”. I thought I’d talk a little bit about our conversation (I won’t mention names, of course), and share why a lot of the husbands of the program participants hate me in the beginning.
Excuse me while I rant a little bit.
I just need to say that men are really misunderstood. That’s right. They’re misunderstood in our society, in our culture, and in our marriages. I’m a marriage coach, so I want to offer a new perspective on this subject that maybe you haven’t heard lately. It might be a little unpopular, but I’m telling you… it’s true!