Your desire fix:
Connect with your body!
Why this desire fix is right for you!
Even though you rationally know that sex is good for your marriage... it still feels kinda wrong. Whether you were raised in a home in which sex wasn't spoken about, you had some negative experiences growing up or you're still wrestling with the concept of sex and religion, the thought of sex isn't a pleasant one!
Feeling shame when it comes to sex and/or your body is SO COMMON and can really hinder you from enjoying and looking forward to the sexual experience.
The reason why it's so common is because we simply don't live in a culture in which sex is spoken about openly in a healthy, positive and realistic way. The messages we potentially get are:
From childhood: "Don't Look! Don't touch!"
From negative experiences: "YOU are bad!"
From religion*: "Sex is dirty! Sex is wrong!"
*(from well-meaning religious followers who interpret wrongly)
This is all to say that it's.not.your.fault.
This might feel like a big thing to overcome but it's not! The fastest way to start feeling like sex is a wonderful gift in your marriage and life is...
to connect with your body.
Your body is the place of pleasure. The temple of your soul (if you are Faith-based). The vehicle for service to yourself and others. Once you build up this relationship, you will start to see the shame-y feelings disappear and be replaced with awe and compassion.
3 practical ways to implement this desire fix:
1. Say, "Hello."
I know this might seem very simple, but stick with me here. Your body is like an estranged friend right now and it's time to take the first step and pick up the phone (or send off a message).
You can do it right now! Ask her how she's doing. What does she need? What does she want to say? Give her a voice.
2. Question the Messages
You've most likely been told things about your body that are downright untrue but are still sneakily sticking around. I was told once that I couldn't sit next to a boy because that would be "unchaste". Like my body would somehow become this overpowering sexual magnet and lead us all to temptation! Yeah, totally not helpful.
So question those messages. Dig into your religious Teachings (if this applies to you) and see with your OWN EYES!
3. Look at your Vulva.
What??!?!?! Yeah, I know. Pretty shocking. But what's even more shocking is that most women haven't ever seen this part of their body! Meanwhile boys and men have a full access view of their manly bits. I'm 100% sure that this is why women feel more shame about their bodies than men.
So grab a mirror and have a look. Be prepared to experience some awkwardness and discomfort but focus on AWE and compassion and you'll be just fine. What a miracle your body is!
Who am I to tell you this stuff?
When it comes to not "wanting it". I understand it all.
For the first 14 years of my marriage, I would have way rather cleaned the toilet than hop into bed with my husband! Sure, once my engine was revved up a bit, it was okay(ish), but getting there took a serious effort.
We fought about sex all the time and I was DONE feeling used, pressured and like I was the one with the problem.
After years of unsuccessfully trying to find the solution to this frustrating (and lonely) challenge, I eventually trained to be a Marriage Coach and buckled down to develop my own methodology to solve this issue.
And what I discovered not only completely fixed the desire mismatch in my marriage but now has helped hundreds of other women and couples do the same.
Let's hang out!
here's where you can find me...