Your desire fix:
Trust what feels good!
Why this desire fix is right for you!
You don't necessarily feel a lot of pressure from your husband but there IS a nagging feeling that what you're doing or experiencing isn't quite what should be happening.
You sometimes wonder, "Is this the way sex is suppose to be like?"
One thing that you should know right away: you.are.not.alone.
SO MANY women tell me that this is a secret question of theirs. What they are watching on TV or hearing from friends isn't quite matching their personal experience in the bedroom.
And if you aren't to blame ('cause FYI, it's not your fault), then who is?
THE SILLY MEDIA!
We are inundated with messages from movies, TV shows, magazines, books, talk shows, the radio, music lyrics and podcasts about how our sex should look like and how our bodies should look like!
Those "shoulds" are coming in between you and your natural desire because it's impossible get in the mood when you feel inadequate and you aren't going to look forward to sexual experiences that don't feel satisfying to you.
So instead of trying to do what you THINK you should be doing, you are going to practice, "Trusting What Feels Good (+ What Doesn't)".
3 practical ways to implement this desire fix:
1. Media Detox
Give yourself a little break from all those media messages and go on a media detox from any content that might tell you what sex should look like or your body should look like.
Even just one or two weeks of no movie sex scenes or scrolling Instagram will give you some space to decide what actually feels good for YOU.
2. "Yes, Maybe, No" List
Set aside 30 mins to write down the things that are a "yes", a "maybe" or a "no" in the sexual experience. Then put everything in the "maybe" column to the "no" column and adopt the mantra, "If it's a maybe, it's a no!" (us women push ourselves waaaaaay too much).
Make sure to include everything that is a "yes" even if it doesn't feel "sexual" enough. For example: feeling his muscles, holding his hand, having a back massage, smelling his neck, rubbing his hair, feeling the weight of his body or talking!
3. "Trust What Feels Good" Exercise
Put on a timer for 10 mins, have your husband take off his shirt and lay down. Tell him to relax and enjoy himself but be clear that this isn't going to lead into sex!
Use your hands to touch his chest, neck, head and arms in a way that feels good FOR YOU. This is called, "touching him for your pleasure" and is a skill that I teach all my program participants and clients because it's so important.
Trust what feels good through this process and let yourself just adjust whenever you get that "no" or "maybe" feeling.
Who am I to tell you this stuff?
When it comes to not "wanting it". I understand it all.
For the first 14 years of my marriage, I would have way rather cleaned the toilet than hop into bed with my husband! Sure, once my engine was revved up a bit, it was okay(ish), but getting there took a serious effort.
We fought about sex all the time and I was DONE feeling used, pressured and like I was the one with the problem.
After years of unsuccessfully trying to find the solution to this frustrating (and lonely) challenge, I eventually trained to be a Marriage Coach and buckled down to develop my own methodology to solve this issue.
And what I discovered not only completely fixed the desire mismatch in my marriage but now has helped hundreds of other women and couples do the same.
Let's hang out!
here's where you can find me...