You love each other. You want to feel connected. There’s hope, I promise.
As a marriage coach, I’ve helped thousands of couples over the last 7 years and this is what I hear them say:
“I love my husband but sex feels like a chore.”
“I wish my wife desired me.”
“I want to enjoy his touch but I cringe when he comes too close.”
“Every time she says no I feel rejected.”
Maybe you’ve tried everything: reading books, going to therapy, scheduling sex, or months (years?) of giving up but it always ends up with you both feeling frustrated and defeated.
I can offer you something different.
Something that will finally help.
Join the waitlist!
Next round: Feb./Mar. 2025
Wives - do you want to want sex, but just don't?
Husbands - do you want to feel wanted, but just don’t?
(formally known as Wanting It More)
Sex can be complicated, confusing, and mysterious (but not in a good way).
Doing It Together can provide a path towards genuine closeness in the bedroom, even if that feels impossible right now.
without blaming anyone.
without awkward exercises.
without pressure or guilt.
- Help wives want and enjoy sex again (or for the first time) and
- Help husbands create an environment for intimacy and connection.
Instead of focusing on individual issues, we look at the cultural messages given to men and women and how they impact desire, enjoyment, and comfort.
This solves the root issues rather than trying to cover them up with new positions and lingerie.
Men and women need to unlearn and learn different things which is why each gets their own separate educational materials, online discussion forum, and weekly coaching calls.
You need to be with people who get you and who better than a group of fellow husbands and a group of fellow wives.
The only event for couples to join together is our very last celebration call. You can listen to a recording of that here.
We’re not interested in quick fixes, bandaid solutions, or reiterating the same tired old advice to “spice things up”, schedule sex or fix wacky hormones.
This program is effective because we offer specialized support for men and women.
Doing It Together is frequently called “life-changing” by couples of all backgrounds. Listen to find out why:
“ I feel like I’m in the secret garden and I just found the key!"
Alicia felt like she was falling short in her relationship because she lacked a desire for sex. Despite having an extremely supportive and loving husband, she felt confused and conflicted.
Joining the program proved to be a pivotal decision, offering Alicia and her husband a fresh perspective on intimacy and a newfound sense of direction on a transformative journey.
"I feel relieved and hopeful for a bright future."
Chris and his wife had a wonderful marriage but it was the issue of sex that seemed to cause them problems. He felt rejected and she felt guilty. For two decades, they tried what felt like everything to solve this issue.
When Chris and his wife listened to Janna’s podcast, they both felt a sense of hope. He was skeptical but they took a leap of faith and signed up. He is thankful for all they have learned separately and together. He sees a way forward and for that he is grateful.
"It healed so many parts of me that I didn’t even know were broken."
Rosie was on the fence about joining the program, convinced she'd exhausted every option with no success. Caught in the cycle of her husband feeling unappreciated and her own obligation to provide sex, she felt trapped.
The program changed her life and marriage and it was nothing like she expected. She now looks forward to their intimate time together.
Not wanting sex with your husband doesn’t mean that you’re broken and not feeling desired by your wife doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you.
There are many reasons why you would think this.
Women are told that to be sexually “healthy”, they need to want sex, and men are told that if their partner loves them, she’ll want sex with them.
Both messages are wrong and focusing on them won’t get you the intimacy you want.
Here’s what will:
Cultural conditioning can limit a woman’s enjoyment and ability to understand her body and communicate effectively with her partner.
The messages that she receives about sex, her body, and pleasure from culture, media, religion, and her parents can cause confusion, shame, and silence.
1. Unlearning of toxic cultural messages
Even in a healthy marriage, unwanted comments, looks and touches can put a woman on the defensive, which shuts down desire.
It’s important that she starts to explore her dislikes and likes and finds the courage to express them to her husband.
2. Establishing safety by expressing her preferences
How to find pleasure, what to expect desire to feel like, and how to experience true satisfaction (not just a facade of the real thing) are mysteries that a woman is left to piece together from romance novels, hasty comments, and sex scenes.
Rather than relying on the media formula to guide her, she must tap into her intuition and 5 senses.
3. Connecting with her body and intuition
To want and enjoy sex, women must become empowered by…
Messages given to men by media, religion, and porn about women’s bodies and sex can create behaviors that repel their partners and lead to less intimacy.
It’s impossible to design a fulfilling and mutual sex life while playing out the faulty scripts handed down through the generations.
1. Unlearning of toxic cultural messages
Learning to listen and believe his wife is the first action a man can take towards a more fulfilling sex life.
Developing the ability to respect her preferences without withdrawing or getting defensive will lead to more closeness in the long term.
2. Establishing safety by listening
Men have been taught that sex is the solution to loneliness, insecurity, stress, resentment, and a lack of purpose.
All of these reasons for having sex place enormous pressure on the experience and reduce it to a transactional arrangement. For sex to become mutually satisfying, men must develop other avenues for getting those needs met.
3. Connecting with his humanity and emotions
To experience more intimacy, men must become grounded by…
When these 3 pillars are practiced, you can enjoy a mutually satisfying experience full of curiosity, freedom, and integrity.
While this process is more involved than trying to rev the engine with a hot sex scene or making subtle-not-so-subtle hints that go nowhere, it addresses the root causes of “low libido” which means it’s not just a temporary solution.
This is not a quick fix. Quick fixes don’t last. Quick fixes don’t lead to true connection and intimacy.
A.H.
Less Anxiety
“My thoughts have changed dramatically. I have practical phrases and tools to use and the nightly stress is GONE. COMPLETELY GONE.”
“My turning point was a very small, yet very big moment. I, for the first time in ages, initiated a hug. And I had never felt more tingly feelings in a hug since probably my dating years. It was powerful, and for the first time, I felt hope that things could change for the better.”
L.C.
Less Pain
“During the program, I was able to unexpectedly, have pain free (and really good) penetrative sex for the first time ever.”
S.A.
More Desire
“I actually WANT to do it and I look forward to our time together. I NEVER imagined eight weeks ago that the thought of having sex would actually make me smile.”
S.L.
More Sexual Feelings
J.R.
Better Communication
“Before, every conversation about sex would feel like walking on egg shells but now we can address it all head on and with much more vulnerability.”
A.h.
“The pressure and anxiety has been taken off of me. My husband has learned to back off and give me the space I need, which has actually made me WANT to come to him.”
Less Pressure
Women tell me that after years of trying to increase their desire, Doing It Together finally gave them the answers.
M.D.
More Open Conversations
“Our turning point came in the conversations. Having a safe space to talk about our sex life helped us to gain a better perspective and understanding of each others needs. The initial times of intimacy have been a true delight!”
“My wife was very distant before. We would never kiss or cuddle. Even me talking about anything intimate would be met with displeasure and would ruin my wife's mood. Now it's the opposite. She is seeking me out to cuddle or hug. She is wanting and seeking sex and pleasure and I feel the same.”
r.h.
More Enjoyment
“We have seen changes in the way both my wife and I think about sex and we are simply enjoying each other for who we are at this stage.”
A.K.
Increased Connection
“We had a lack of connection - sex was forced from my side and something she just did to keep me happy. We are now definitely more connected and look forward to our nights of intimacy.”
A.K.
More Physical Touch
W.O.
More Ease
“Once I learned that my wife was feeling unsafe around sex I wanted nothing more than to make her feel safe and be her hero. Now my wife is doing what she is comfortable with and she feels so much more at ease around me especially during our intimacy time.”
M.N.
“I was really longing for something that felt a lot more mutual, rather than her just forcing herself to do this because she felt some duty and obligation to me. But as a result of this program, I would definitely say that we have had the best sex we've had in years”
Better Sex
Men tell me that after years of trying to improve their sex life, Doing It Together finally gave them a solution.
A big part of why Doing It Together often gets great results for couples is because of the way it’s structured.
One without the other won’t give you what you need to succeed. Each element is critical.
Education (books, videos, or articles) on its own can leave you confused with how to customize the information for your unique situation.
Support (counselling, coaching, or therapy) on its own can leave you feeling like you’re the only one with the problem. I believe humans develop best with “me-too” reassurance and it’s why I no longer offer private coaching.
Community (forums, support circles, or online groups) on its own can quickly become a case of confusion without a clear path forward.
Education + Support + Community = Results
Education
+
Support
+
Community
=
Healing
Women and men get separate, private discussion forums to share learnings, wins, and struggles. This is a great place to get support during the week and hear from other participants as well as reminders of community events. Hosted on Mighty Networks (not social media).
With education, support, and community combined, the program offers a step-by-step process, customized for your unique situation, with support from people who understand exactly how you’re feeling.
Here’s how these 3 elements are offered in Doing It Together for both the wife and husband tracks:
Each week, you will receive 5 short pre-recorded videos to watch at your convenience. We also give you your partner's videos to watch to increase understanding and compassion. You get lifetime access to the videos.
Weekly videos and transcripts
Each week, you will gather on Zoom with Janna, her team, and your fellow participants to get support and all your questions answered. Women meet on Mondays (1pm or 5pm Pacific), and Men meet on Tuesdays (1pm or 5pm Pacific). The men’s group has a male mentor, Justin Smith. All calls are recorded and available for 1 month after the program ends and are not shared with the other gender.
Live group coaching calls
Private online community
Growing up, Ray had a typical perspective on sex. However, after getting married, she felt immense pressure for sex to define the quality of her marriage. Unfortunately, this led to her finding sex unenjoyable. Despite undergoing therapy, including couples counseling, this issue persisted without resolution.
Following a hysterectomy and accepting that she wouldn't revert, Ray decided to join the program. She's thrilled she did because it alleviated much of the pressure she felt. Now, she can truly enjoy intimacy both in and out of the bedroom.
"A lot of the pressure has been taken off."
watch RAY's story
Justin and his wife once had a playful relationship with enjoyable sex. After the birth of their child 10 years ago, his wife experienced a painful birth injury and their sex life dwindled away, leaving Justin feeling conflicted, unloved, and resentful.
Justin jumped in feet first to learn how he could support his wife. Together they put the pieces together and they now experience incredibly fulfilling and connected experiences. Justin feels better as a partner and as a man.
"Our sex life is better than it’s ever been before!"
watch Justin's story
Doing It Together
You are looking to save your marriage by having more sex.
Your communication is tense, infrequent, and/or explosive.
You are extremely uncomfortable sharing in a group setting.
You’re looking for specific religious guidance (this program is non-religious although you are free to share your personal experiences.)
You’re uncomfortable with exploring equity in your marriage.
You’re experiencing emotional, physical, or sexual abuse from your partner.
You’re looking for a quick fix. While the program is 8 weeks long, it often takes an average of 1 year to solidify everything you will learn. Consider this the beginning of a life-long practice.
is likely NOT a good fit for you if:
Doing It Together
You’re in a heterosexual relationship where the woman has a lower desire than the man.
Your marriage is in a relatively healthy place.
You have emotional space and time in your schedule (approx. 3 hours per week)
You’re receiving additional support for mental health issues if you require it.
You’ve addressed major sexual trauma with a professional. (While this program provides a tremendous amount of safety in the sexual experience, it is not designed for trauma healing.)
You feel safe enough with each other to make direct requests and to express your needs without fear of repercussion.
is likely a good fit for you if:
Everything that's included:
For women:
34 videos with step-by-step guidance (transcripts included)
16 coaching calls with recordings available
8 weeks of support in the discussion forum
Support team: Janna and Melissa
For men:
31 videos with step-by-step guidance (transcripts included)
16 coaching calls with recordings available
8 weeks of support in the discussion forum
Support team: Janna, Melissa and Justin
$2000 USD
(full payment)
$667 USD x 3
(3 monthly payments)
join THE WAITLIST!
The Investment
Next round: Feb./Mar 2025
I recognize that systemic injustices have disproportionately affected BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Colour) communities. Given that my program has historically been a predominantly white space, I'm taking steps to be part of the societal change leading to more equity. One such step is offering a $300 discount for BIPOC individuals.
I'm also committed to ongoing growth by learning from diversity, equity, and inclusion experts, as well as our community members.
I'm striving to be a welcoming and inclusive space, respectful of all lived experiences. If you identify as BIPOC and are interested in participating, please email me confidentially at janna@jannadentonhowes.com to receive your coupon code.
BIPOC Discount
If this feels like a big investment, here’s some context that may help:
Educational Program for 2 people
Other Support
VS
2 months of group support for 2 people
2 months of therapy for 2 people
Total Cost: $4200
$2400
$600
$1200
Educational Program for 2 people
Doing It Together
2 months of group support for 2 people
2 months of coaching for 2 people
Total Cost: $2000
If after 2 weeks of the program, you don’t feel like it’s a good fit, I will give you a 100% refund, minus processing fees ($50).
Please take time to read the whole page and book a call before joining if you aren’t sure, as having people leave the program can be disruptive to the group.
My refund policy:
You have lifetime access to the program materials and unlimited updates as they come out in the future.
If you’re interested to join the program but have more questions,
here is what I can offer:
A personal chat with me to help you determine if this is a good fit for you right now.
Click here to schedule a 15 minute call.
Have questions? Book a call to chat!
You never have to have that kind of sex again. Most sex that couples are having isn’t sex- it’s a performance of pleasure without basic consent and safety. What I’ll help you move towards is an experience that you can genuinely look forward to.
“What if I never want to have sex again?”
In this program, we help you create physical and emotional safety with your husband. Often this will soothe your nervous system and allow you the space to start exploring what pleasure is for you. That being said, we don’t specifically do trauma healing.
“What if I have too much trauma?”
Because our bodies don’t respond like the ones we see on TV, it’s normal to assume that we need to fix something. Quite the opposite. We need to learn how to tune out the cultural messages and start listening to our bodies and intuition instead. You work beautifully.
“What if my body is broken?”
You can decide how involved you want to be in the discussions and coaching calls but remember- everyone is feeling awkward and you aren’t alone! Most women find that they feel safe and comfortable very quickly.
“What if I’m too shy to participate?”
What I help you see is that within the context of safety, everyone can have experiences with their 5 senses. We don’t worry about arousal (aka getting horny) but rather focus on pleasure, communication, and comfort- which is available to everyone.
“What if it doesn’t work?”
My goal is to help you design an intimate life that makes you feel more comfortable, relaxed, and nourished than you’ve ever felt before. This isn’t about going outside of your comfort zone, this is about staying well within it. I’ll guide you through this process.
“What if I feel uncomfortable?”
It’s normal to have hesitations about taking Doing It Together. Let me reassure you.
When I speak to women, they share these concerns…
It’s normal to be concerned about talking about sex in a group of men. You can decide how much or little you participate but usually after the first week, you will feel comfortable after seeing the courage of other men to speaking up.
“What if I feel awkward in a group?”
Not wanting to have sex doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want you. That’s another cultural lie. She wouldn’t be considering taking this program if she didn’t want to be with you. I will help you understand the real reasons for her lack of desire.
“What if I find out she doesn’t want me?”
Guy culture teaches men a lot of lies about being a sexual partner- you have to be in control, don’t show weakness, you have to make her come, etc. I will show you how to be more of a man in the truest sense.
“What if I feel like less of a man?”
What men tell me is that when they experience their wives in their full safety and pleasure, nothing compares to that feeling. When both partners are feeling 100% comfortable, the experience is always much better for everyone.
“What if I lose things I enjoy?”
We focus on very simple concepts in the program- compassion, safety, pleasure, reducing pressure, boundaries, intuition, and communication. This is the reason why it works so well for couples who have tried everything. It’s not radical, it’s just counter-culture.
“What if this is snake oil?”
The messages that culture gives to both women and men are what we focus on in the program. None of us received proper education about sex and consent and when people know better, they do better. We assume good intentions even when acknowledging impact.
“What if I get blamed?”
When I speak to men, they share these concerns…
Joining Doing It Together can feel like a wave of relief.
You’ll be given a link to enter our private, online community (hosted on Mighty Networks), where all the program materials, event notifications, and written discussions take place. You will each get a separate link to join your spaces for men and women.
1st Step: Join Your Community
Within Mighty Networks, you will find the videos for the 1st week. Watch before your first coaching call to get the most out of the program. We recommend watching the videos for your partner as well (we give you access to them).
2nd Step: Watch Your Videos
The group coaching calls for women are on Mondays at 1pm and 5pm Pacific and the calls for men are on Tuesdays at 1pm and 5pm Pacific. This is where you can ask me questions directly and hear from others in the program. We have a male mentor, Justin Smith, in the men’s calls.
3rd Step: Attend a Coaching Call
Here's what to expect:
Practicing the 6 paths (3 the same, 3 different) on your shared and personal journeys opens up endless opportunities for discoveries, which I think is the best way to “spice things up”!
The frustration of not knowing why your sex life isn’t working will be replaced with simply getting back on one or more of the paths. You will both receive a simple self-assessment to help you with this in the future.
The Doing It Together framework gives you a simple roadmap to keep your intimate life going strong even after the program’s over.
Join the waitlist!
I’d love to have you join us if it feels like a good fit.
Next round: Feb./Mar. 2025
More About Janna
It can feel scary to put your trust in learning about sex from someone you don’t know very well.
If this is our first time meeting, I suggest checking out a few of my podcast episodes or YouTube videos to get a feel for my energy.
I am a trained Marriage Coach and have spent the last 7 years specializing in helping heterosexual couples with their sex lives- more specifically relationships in which the wife wants sex less than her husband.
I experienced this dynamic in a marriage for years and eventually discovered a path forward which resulted in 9 years of mutual connection and pleasure in the bedroom.
I live on Vancouver Island in Canada with my 2 teen daughters.
I’m interested in topics related to social justice and do my best to contribute to my local community. I acknowledge the existence of patriarchy, white supremacy, and ableism.
Although I have chosen to support heterosexual couples because of my personal and professional experience, this is not a judgment call.
Doing It Together is a non-religious program but it may be helpful to know that I’m comfortable if you use the terms “God”, “Universe”, “Mother Earth”, “Source”, “Divine” or nothing at all.
10 Principals of Redefined Sex
The goal is pleasure and connection rather than intercourse and orgasm.
Each person has the right to feel 100% safe and comfortable.
Each person is the knower of their own body.
There is space to be fully yourself- messy emotions and all!
Talking is encouraged (if it feels right).
Pleasure is more important than performance.
It’s a mutual experience rather than a gift, favor or duty.
It’s a fun, enjoyable activity without the weight of being used for stress relief or proving love.
Scheduling opportunities to explore takes away the stress of initiation.
Clear boundaries provide deeper intimacy.
This isn’t about having more sex, it’s about changing the whole experience.
One of the purposes of Doing It Together is to help you design a sex life that everyone can look forward to.
If you’ve ever wondered why you don’t feel connection and intimacy from the sexual experience, it’s most likely because the sex you’re having isn’t working.
"Having a planned time of connection each week has been so life-giving to our relationship. We are getting along better in general and feel more connected during the rest of the week"
L.Y.
Tim hit a low point in his 30-year marriage, fixating on intimacy issues to define their relationship. Despite excellence elsewhere, this lack overshadowed everything, leaving Tim feeling unloved and inadequate, and his wife ashamed and broken.
During the program, Tim unlocked buried emotions, and his wife found her voice. He delighted in her newfound expression, feeling like he'd regained the girlfriend he fell for 30 years ago. Thanks to the program, Tim now anticipates a longer, happier life, proud of the person he's become.
"I feel more connected to her than I ever have!"
watch Tim's story
The effects of this program will be generational!
For seven years, Krystal endured intense discomfort during sex. It weighed on her like an unwelcome burden, filling her with dread.
However, during the program, Krystal discovered a revelation: pleasure could be her own, and for this newfound understanding, she is profoundly thankful. Moreover, she envisions the profound impact this realization will have on her five children, spanning across generations.
watch Krystal's story
"This is the best investment I have made in many years."
In her sixties, Shelley was hesitant to try the course, feeling she might be too old and wondering if it would be worth it at her age.
To her pleasant surprise, the program worked wonders on her mindset and her marriage and she says it’s one of the best investments she’s ever made.
watch SHELLEY's story
"This program is truly life changing."
Rob experienced a sense of being unwanted, unloved, and unappreciated. He associated his wife not wanting sex to her not loving him. Despite attempting therapy as a couple, they found it ineffective and observed no positive changes.
Through the program, he discovered the nuanced layers of intimacy beyond physical connection. He gained insights into his wife's desires and needs, and the communication barrier that had stood between them was dismantled.
watch Rob's story
"The course is so real, so genuine and so authentic."
Sile felt such despair and she tried “everything else” but nothing worked. After finding Janna’s podcast, she realised she wasn’t the only one feeling like this and that gave her hope.
She discovered so much about her marriage and herself in just 8 weeks. She never felt pressured to say, do or be anything, the choice was always hers. It empowered her to move at her own pace and she is grateful for the impact the program has had on all areas of her life.
watch SILE's story
Real Comments From The Last Round
Everything that's included:
For women:
34 videos with step-by-step guidance (transcripts included)
16 coaching calls with recordings available
8 weeks of support in the discussion forum
Support team: Janna and Melissa
For men:
31 videos with step-by-step guidance (transcripts included)
16 coaching calls with recordings available
8 weeks of support in the discussion forum
Support team: Janna, Melissa and Justin
$2000 USD
(full payment)
$667 USD x 3
(3 monthly payments)
join The WAITLIST!
The Investment
Next round: Feb./Mar. 2025
Frequently Asked
Questions
Yes. This program has been developed for a couple to work together in the pursuit of a sex life that works for everyone. If your partner isn’t on board, I suggest listening to the podcast or checking my website for other offers as I develop them.
Do we both need to be involved?
How long do we have access to the material?
Will this be compatible with my faith beliefs?
Will this help for painful intercourse?
What are your views on porn?
Is Doing It Together the same program as Wanting It More?
You get lifetime access (for as long as the program is in existence) to the video programs. The coaching call recordings are available for 1 month after the program ends.
Do we both need to be involved?
How long do we have access to the material?
Will this be compatible with my faith beliefs?
Will this help for painful intercourse?
What are your views on porn?
Is Doing It Together the same program as Wanting It More?
While Doing It Together is a non-religious program, I will respect your beliefs and try to adjust the program accordingly as long as it doesn’t cause you any harm. The feedback that I receive from folks of different faiths is that they found the content in alignment with their values.
Do we both need to be involved?
How long do we have access to the material?
Will this be compatible with my faith beliefs?
Will this help for painful intercourse?
What are your views on porn?
Is Doing It Together the same program as Wanting It More?
While I am not a physician or physiotherapist (which I will always encourage you to go see), this program has helped many women who experienced physical pain with intercourse. Now they experience pleasure and relaxation in the sexual experience, even though it might not always involve penetration.
Do we both need to be involved?
How long do we have access to the material?
Will this be compatible with my faith beliefs?
Will this help for painful intercourse?
What are your views on porn?
Is Doing It Together the same program as Wanting It More?
The science and my own experience and research are clear: porn use in any amount doesn’t support a pleasurable and connected sex life. I recommend that all use is stopped and share more about this within the program.
Do we both need to be involved?
How long do we have access to the material?
Will this be compatible with my faith beliefs?
Will this help for painful intercourse?
What are your views on porn?
Is Doing It Together the same program as Wanting It More?
Yes, but better since Doing It Together includes an educational stream, coaching, and online community specifically for men, previously not included in Wanting It More.