"The true purpose of sex is an exploration of pleasure and connection."
I specialize in helping married, heterosexual couples in which the wife doesn’t want and/or enjoy sex very much and the husband does.
My decision to support this specific relationship dynamic is based on my personal and professional experience, not a judgment call. Love is love.
Hi, I'm
Janna!
What is the purpose of sex in your relationship?
My Philosophy:
What I’ve found after working with thousands of men, women, and couples is that when sex is used for anything other than a mutual exploration of pleasure and connection in the context of safety, it eventually becomes unfulfilling (and the woman is labeled with “low libido”).
Is it a few seconds of muscle contractions?
Is it to get one body part into another body part?
Is it to make you feel better about yourself?
Is it for stress relief?
Everyone feels 100% comfortable, 100% of the time. There is a large spectrum of safety which includes freedom from even the slightest icky feeling coming from a look, comment or touch. Practicing safety includes acknowledging that everyone needs different things to feel comfortable and that good intentions sometimes don’t have a good impact.
Safety
A feeling of closeness and emotional intimacy. Exploring connection with each other is about sharing, listening, and learning how to recover when there is a misunderstanding or a hard moment. It’s a sense of teamwork and togetherness which comes from a common intention, not trying to get to 50/50. Exploring connection also includes the relationship you have with your own body and emotions.
Connection
Anything that feels good (which I define as slightly-more-positive-than-neutral). This isn’t about meeting arbitrary goals set by culture or media. This is about actually feeling good through your 5 senses. It doesn’t have to be “mind-blowing” or fireworks for it to feel pleasurable and nobody can determine what feels good for another person. Focusing on feeling enjoyable sensations rather than arousal decreases pressure which increases pleasure- creating a wonderful feedback loop.
Pleasure
A slow, curious approach to intimacy that is more like a buffet than a 3-course meal. Exploring means that you don’t have to follow the foreplay-heavy petting-genital touching-intercourse-orgasm formula that someone at some point made the gold standard. To explore means that you have the freedom to try new things and not like them and also discover surprising sensations that you enjoy even if they don’t fit the mold of “sexual”.
Exploration
Everyone feels excited about what is happening. If you aren’t feeling this way, it doesn’t mean that your body is broken or that you are a prude- it means that it isn’t working for you. Full stop. No negotiations. No doing it because you want to be a good spouse. If you feel 100% good and excited about offering pleasure and it brings you pleasure too, fantastic, but anything other than this is unilateral (one-sided).
Mutual
Sex is a mutual exploration of pleasure and connection in the context of safety:
dy
"This program works and it is worth it because it starts with tearing down the lies we have been believing and replacing them with a healthier foundation that any marriage can grow from."
SA
"I cried when the program ended in sheer gratitude for Janna and her program."
DH
"This program is the only thing that has worked for us. Now that I know what I know, I'll never be going back to the way it was before. This was the eye-opener we both needed."
SS
"Janna doesn’t just talk the talk. She has walked the walk. She has been in the trenches. She is PASSIONATE about helping women transform their thinking around sexuality. And because of ALL of these things, she GETS RESULTS."
SB
"In our sex life, there has been a complete transformation. I have not felt awkward or silly but strong and decisive. I feel very confident and vocal. We have talked SO much about sex and communication as well."
AH
"We’ve had much greater sex, but if you asked my husband what he’s the most thankful for from this program, it’s the ability to have those more vulnerable and safe conversations."
SD
"Going through this course has made a significant difference for me in deepening the connection and intimacy in my marriage as well as providing opportunity for my own personal growth and development."
I believe that sex can be a wonderful way for a couple to shut out the world for a bit and experience a moment of joy together but it’s not the hallmark of a great relationship. Some couples are happy not having sex and that is a perfectly valid decision if both partners are on board.
I believe that the effects of pornography on the brain inhibit an individual from being able to experience the full depth and beauty of a sexual experience and can cause unintentional harm to their partner through a lack of self-control and awareness.
I believe that marriage is a daily choice and this understanding allows us to continue to grow and develop as individuals and as a couple with accountability, integrity, and commitment.
I believe that women have been disadvantaged in our culture and need more space, time, and resources for the balance to be restored. This doesn’t mean that I don’t think men are harmed by a patriarchal culture, they are.
My Beliefs:
Education has to start with the assumption that you are already whole. There is nothing broken about you to be fixed.
Mission & Vision
Our Mission: To help heterosexual couples enjoy a sex life together that is joyful, nourishing and supportive of their connection and love.
Our Vision: To work towards a world in which men and women enjoy equal rights to pleasure and safety in the bedroom, leading to healthier individuals and relationships.
Listen to the latest:
Doing It Together is about empowering women and men to heal from cultural messages so that they can discover true pleasure and connection in their sexual relationship and marriage.
Tune into the Podcast!
the PODCAST
Justin and his wife once had a playful relationship with enjoyable sex. After the birth of their child 10 years ago, his wife experienced a painful birth injury and their sex life dwindled away, leaving Justin feeling conflicted, unloved, and resentful.
Justin jumped in feet first to learn how he could support his wife in WIM. Together they put the pieces together and they now experience incredibly fulfilling and connected experiences. Justin feels better as a partner and as a man.
