I want to talk to you about something that's come up a lot for me lately and also for my clients. And that is how to deal with just growing up when you're in a marriage. How do you deal with emotional immaturity on your side and also your partner's side? I think it's really important to know that marriage is only going to be as good as the ingredients. You wouldn't take really crummy things to bake a cake with, and then it turns out kind of crummy and very dry you complain and wonder what's wrong or what's happening, because the reality is it's just you're dealing with imperfect people. You're dealing with people who are learning how to grow up, how to show up, how to take responsibility, how to have some humility.

Today we're going to be talking about one of the most essential things you can do if you're married and your husband really wants to have sex more and you're like, "There are so many other things that I would be rather doing." Like reading a good book or watching a movie, going for a walk, cleaning out our garage, cleaning the toilet, eating some chocolate. There are so many other things that make you feel happy and connected and allow you to enjoy life.

But, you know that it's good for your marriage and you know it's good for you. Maybe you're arguing about it and you're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. So, let me just breeze on by that potential really funny analogy, for when it comes to talking about sex, and give you some real advice.

I really wish somebody had told me that it was safe for me to maintain my individuality while being in a relationship. So that's what I want to talk to you about today. This is definitely what we were taught by media and culture; when you become married, you should just spend all your time together and have married friends that you do things with and enjoy the same things.

And that's, unfortunately like most things from the media, really harmful for relationships because if we do anything else, we think we have a really crummy marriage or there's something wrong with us or we don't have a good connection or a good vibe. Also, movies rarely go beyond the wedding. Let's just be realistic. Usually romantic comedies are about the pursuit of the romantic relationship rather than the actual getting down to business, learning about one another, navigating the rocky moments, learning how to mature together, how to have a sophisticated relationship. I'm sorry that happened and you were taught the wrong thing. But today I want to share with you my journey.

So many married women tell me that they have a hard time enjoying sex because they don't love their bodies, and unfortunately this is a very common challenge that so many of us ladies experience. I have definitely experienced this in my life. And so, I want to share a few thoughts about that today so that this doesn’t become a barrier for you to enjoying intimacy with your husband, because you know that's what I'm all about. 

But I'm also not about having you force yourself to do something that you're uncomfortable with. So my goal is to help you feel really comfortable with what is. And in order to do that, we need to take a look at three things. The first thing is, what you feel about your body makes a lot of sense. Number two, it's okay to not love your body. Yeah, totally okay. And number three, sex is about pleasure, not performance.

Today, I'm going to be talking about something that I think a lot of us women struggle with, me included. I feel like a little bit of a hypocrite making this blog for you, but I am learning alongside you and these are the steps that I am trying to put into practice when it comes to asking my husband to do things in the right way.

By the right way, I just mean that I'll actually get the best result. That he'll actually do the things I'm asking him to do. But that, it also maintains our connection, which as you probably agree, is really, really important. I have six steps for you but don’t let that overwhelm you. They all blend into one. And as I said, I am learning this stuff as well.

Have you ever felt not good enough? I think all of us ladies have, and today I'm going to talk about it. And what I'm actually going to be talking about is shame. Because most women, their experience of shame is not being good enough. 

I was giving a live webinar the other day and I was describing one of the most essential ingredients, I believe, of having a great sex life in marriage. And somebody commented, "So you're basically talking about consent?" And I'm like, "Yes, it's that simple."​