Let's talk about pleasure. Yes, I'm talking about sexual pleasure but I also often will talk about everyday pleasure. But today I'm talking about sexual pleasure. My name is Janna Denton-Howes. I'm a sex coach for married women and I want to talk about pleasure, but more specifically orgasm. Because orgasm, the ability to orgasm, the right education to learn how to orgasm, talking to other women about orgasms, all of these things are really important because there are huge numbers of women who are faking orgasms, who are not enjoying the orgasms they're having and they are not having orgasms. It's an issue and I've mentioned in other blogs that I haven't really focused on them because orgasms can also become hijacked from women and become ways that men feel good about themselves and that's not the purpose of them.
Today we're going to be talking about orgasms. So, get ready for it. My name is Janna Denton-Howes. I am a sex coach for married women. I specialize in helping married women want and enjoy sex more with their husbands. And there are some women out there who have never had an orgasm, and maybe have been married for a very long time and still haven't had an orgasm. Why is this happening? Why is there such a huge orgasm gap between men and women? Because a lot of men are doing just fine in this department. Here's the reason why I think this is happening. It's not because their bodies don't work. It's not because their bodies don't work. It's not because their bodies don't work. It's because of shame.
Shall we talk about orgasms, perhaps? I haven't really spoken a lot about this topic on my blog, because I am conflicted. And so today I want to talk to you about why I'm conflicted. And then I really do want to talk about what an orgasm feels like. Because for me, when I wasn't able to have one, I was very curious. Did I have one? Was that something that everyone talks about? How do I...? All sorts of questions about it, but I think the most interesting one is, “What does it feel like?”
I'm doing it. I am going to be open today in this blog. So if you do not want to know about my sex life, this is not the blog for you to read. I often think about coaches that help people with their home organization or parenting or interior decorating. These people get to show step by step behind the scenes. Take business coaches for example. They get to show all the things to all the people. And I can't do that. I can't bring you into my bedroom and be like, "And this is how you do it, ladies."
I hear from women all the time and this is what they tell me, "Janna, I want to want sex, but I really just also don't want to want sex." I think that's something that women have a hard time articulating. I kind of want it, but I also don't want it for a variety of reasons. We're going to go into those reasons so you feel normal. We're also going to talk about why would you even want to want sex with your husband.
You want to talk about sex? Maybe you want to talk about sex, maybe you don't, because sometimes talking about sex can be really uncomfortable. That's what we're going to talk about today: sex, working on your sex life, reading things about sex, investigating, researching, all of it. Following my stuff can often feel so uncomfortable. Believe it or not, I still experience discomfort when it comes to talking about sex.
Hi, my name is Janna Denton-Howes and I am a sex and intimacy coach for married women. I was asked an excellent question just the other day and I want to respond to it because I think a lot of women are experiencing the same question. So here's what it was. “Why is low sexual desire in women a women's job to fix? This is made to be a woman's problem. It's unfair because men don't have to address it. There is nothing that they need to do. And furthermore, I'm resentful that amongst all the other things, housework and groceries and kids and all of the things, this is one more thing that I have to think about. Why isn't there a class called how to seduce your wife? Do I have to do everything including seduce myself?”
I am so excited to come to you guys today and talk about something that I feel really, really passionate about. There are so many thoughts that can come up when you're thinking about improving your sex life, but before I go into one of the most common ones I hear, let me tell you who I am. My name is Janna Denton-Howes. I am a sex coach for married women, and I am incredibly passionate about helping all females everywhere be able to have sex that they truly enjoy and look forward to. Because my experience for so many years in my marriage was feeling a lot of guilt and resentment. I felt broken. I felt like I had to fix myself. And I couldn't find any advice other than just do it, which didn't work for me. So, I want to spread the message that it is possible and I am proof that it is. And also the hundreds and hundreds of women that I have supported through the years.
I have come to a really clear understanding about how I want to serve my community and this is what I want to talk about today. I was on a business coaching call about a week ago and we were talking about our purpose and who we're helping. It made me realize that I have been hiding a little bit. Well it's not that I've been hiding, I don't see it as a negative thing. I just see it as a natural progression that I needed to go through.
I trained as a marriage coach. First you go through life coach training and then you take a specialty on relationships. And the one I chose is marriage and I love marriage. I can talk about communication strategies, I can talk about the female and male brain. I can talk about increasing vulnerability and intimacy and connection. I could geek out about that all day long.
But as most of you know, I specialize in helping married women want and enjoy sex more with their husbands. I specialize in that because it was my struggle for so many years of my relationship and I could find nobody to help me in the long run.
I want to talk to you about something that's come up a lot for me lately and also for my clients. And that is how to deal with just growing up when you're in a marriage. How do you deal with emotional immaturity on your side and also your partner's side? I think it's really important to know that marriage is only going to be as good as the ingredients. You wouldn't take really crummy things to bake a cake with, and then it turns out kind of crummy and very dry you complain and wonder what's wrong or what's happening, because the reality is it's just you're dealing with imperfect people. You're dealing with people who are learning how to grow up, how to show up, how to take responsibility, how to have some humility.