Do you always feel too tired for sex?

If this is your go-to excuse in the bedroom, I have three questions for you to ask yourself to figure out what’s really going on, and what you can​ do moving forward.

​Question #1: What about sex feels tiring for you?

Why do you need energy going into the sexual experience in the first place?

This might seem like a weird question because you may think, don’t we all need to have energy?

However, I want you to ask yourself this question from three different perspectives: physical, mental, and emotional.

Physical: do you have expectations of yourself, or does your husband have expectations, that will physically exert yourself?

Mental: do you feel like you have to work yourself up to get in the mood? Is it exhausting trying to figure out what you like/want?

Emotional: Is vulnerability too tiring? Is dealing with your husband’s emotions and needs too much in the experience?

​

​Question #2: What do I want to say no to?

Once you​ reflect on the first question of what’s exhausting you, you’ll know what you need to start saying no to in your sexual experience.

Remember, you’re allowed to say no to sex that feels physically exhausting.

You can also say no to taking on your husband’s feelings.

To sex at night.

To goals and expectations.

And you can say no to your husband requesting things.

Remember, you cannot design a nourishing sexual experience by continuing to do the things that are making you tired.

​Question #3: What do you need sex to feel like to be nourishing?

The answer to this question will change every single time you enter an intimate experience.

You can think of it like going for a walk.

Sometimes, I put on my running shoes because I need a vigorous walk.

Sometimes, I want to stroll and listen to a podcast, music, or have complete silence.

Other times, I want to meander aimlessly on the beach with no destination in mind.

The point is, you don’t have to be anything other than what you are in that moment and that’s why you’ve got to say no to some things first.

​You need to be able to show up as you are ​to enjoy pleasure and connection with your partner without any pressure or pushing to meet expectations.

If you’re too tired or dreading sex, then there’s something that needs to change in order for it to become a nourishing self-care practice.

You ​don’t need to perform. 

To be anything that you’re not. 

You can bring anxiety.

Depression.

Annoyance.

Frustration.

But above all, you can bring all of you into ​your experience.