I’m going to talk about what to do before you go into having an experience with your family members, or people over at your home, or whatever you’re doing through the holidays. And what to do during, ’cause it can get a little challenging. And then after, how do you not break into a big fight, or whatever’s going to happen.
Make sure you have some agreements. How long are you gonna stay at the event? What about challenging relationships? Do you have any requests? Maybe I’d like you to tell Uncle Harry, “Please don’t tell Uncle Harry that I dye my eyebrows.” Whatever. Figure out your requests, because you’ve got to manage expectations. You can’t just have everything live up in your head and not tell your spouse about it because they can’t read your mind. I know. It’s ridiculous they can’t read our minds, but I’ve tried and it doesn’t work.
Give yourself some grace. Give your partner some grace. You’re dealing with some extenuating circumstances. High sugar for the kids, high sugar for you, routine is off, maybe some difficult family relationships, whatever it is, just be nice to yourself, and be nice to your partner. You’re gonna goof up. They’re gonna goof up. It’s just the facts of life.
Schedule some time together, especially if you’re going and staying with somebody else, or traveling. Even if you have guests over and it’s more than one day, make sure that you put yourself in there. Got to keep that marriage crackalacking, because otherwise nobody benefits.
And even if that’s just… we’re gonna lay in bed together. Let the kids go run off and hang out with the grandparents, and we’re gonna spend some extra time in bed together snuggling, maybe having sex. It’s possible when you’re around other people, it’s natural, normal. We want to maintain that connection. Please schedule it, because otherwise we all know it won’t happen. You might want to go for a walk or just go grocery shopping together, or shovel the driveway of snow together.
Give the Benefit of the Doubt
So imagine yourself, you’re at the Christmas dinner, things aren’t happening the way you want… you know… just imagine it. You know what it’s like. PLEASE, assume good intentions of your spouse. They might be dealing with feeling uncomfortable about a relationship, or uncomfortable in general. Maybe they’re introverted, or you’re introverted. Maybe the kids are wild, and it’s hard to deal with it. Maybe they’ve had an offhanded comment from a relative. Just assume good intentions. I never see partners being malicious with each other. Never ever. It’s always just hurt, or interpretation, or feeling insecure. That’s always it.
If something happens, assume good intentions. And please, please, please, if you just take away one thing in this video, please take away this: do not complain about your spouse. Please do not eye roll. Please do not try to fix things for them. Just put on this persona of an adoring spouse, and it’ll make everybody’s lives a lot easier. You don’t need to compensate for your spouse.
You are connected, but they’re not a reflection of you. You are your own independent person. If they choose to drink too much, or make an off colour joke, or be just awkward in general, they are their own person. You can just be yourself, which is an adoring spouse. And then after everyone is gone, then you can have a conversation about it.
Small Physical Connections
Hold hands a little. Maybe just a little peck on the cheek. Maybe just sitting next to each other at dinner. Or a little shoulder rub as you pass by. Whatever it is, it’s really nice just to have a little bit of physical affection. I don’t know if you’re into public displays of affection, I’m certainly not, but I am good with holding hands anywhere. And I have found that when I maintain a certain amount of physical connection with my spouse, things go so much smoother. That’s what you want, smooth.
After the Chaos
After the people have left, or you’ve gone home… the wrapping paper is recycled, and you’re feeling like you’re kind of transitioning back into regular life, give yourself some transition time. Maybe something happened during the holidays, and you’re feeling a little tender about it. Maybe you are just out of routine, you haven’t exercised in a while, you’re eating kinds of foods that you’re not used to, the kids are a little wacky. Just give yourself some grace again. Give yourself some transition time. If you are introvert, you are gonna need some time alone. You’re not gonna be able to jump right back into buddy-buddy with your spouse.
If things have gone kind of awry, and you’re thinking, this is kind of highlighting or bringing forth some stuff that you really want to work on, It’s the new year. It’s a great time to work on your marriage. And if you want to, I have fantastic programs for you.
Join My Program!
January 14th, we’re going to start up another live round of 30 Days to Wanting It More, for married women who want more sex, who have low libido, and want to raise that up. And my husband and I are creating a new program for men, called “30 Days to Her Wanting You More”. Who doesn’t want that more?! And so that’s the companion program to 30 Days to Wanting It More. I’m so excited about it. It’s helping men whose wives just don’t seem to want to have sex, and they’re feeling really crummy about it. We teach you what to do.
Then the last thing in February, I am relaunching my signature program, the “Marriage Mastery Club”. If you feel like your marriage just needs a little check-up, ’cause you know, we all do… you don’t have to be in crisis mode. Actually, please do not be in crisis mode. But if you’re just like, “Yeah, we need a little refresher.” This is it. It is an immersion program, and I teach you everything you need to know about how to have an amazing marriage. Everything I have learned to create a phenomenal partnership with my husband of 18 years, coming up, this month actually!
All right, guys. Have a great holiday and I will talk to you later.