The world is going crazy for Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue, Canadian figure skaters, who have just won the 2018 gold medal for their free dance skate in the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics. Everybody wants them to be in a relationship, even though they have said they are just friends. I want to kind of dissect a little bit why that is, and also what we can learn about their relationship for our marriages.
Before I do that, I want to introduce myself. My name is Janna Denton-Howes, and I am a marriage coach/chief libido officer/husband whisperer… I go by many titles. Today in this post, I definitely want to go for “marriage cheerleader”.
Tessa and Scott. What are the qualities in their relationship that people are just going gaga for? One of them – I think the biggest one – and the biggest thing that women want in a relationship and a marriage, is teamwork. They are clearly very good at understanding each other’s strengths and working together.
Two things are important for that to happen – one is extreme trust. I mean, you’re talking about figure skating – sharp blades around your face and around other sensitive regions of your body, she’s being spun up in the air, and he’s catching her, and she’s there for him when he needs her. There is an extreme amount of trust that’s necessary and essential in a relationship like that.
The second thing is extreme respect for what the other person brings to the experience. For example, if Tessa didn’t respect the masculine characteristics of strength in Scott, like his ability to catch her or hold her up, or if Scott didn’t respect Tessa’s ability to express extreme emotion in her face, or her flexibility, or any of those feminine characteristics, they wouldn’t be a team. They wouldn’t be on the same page.
Along with the trust, is this sense of being taken care of – that they have each other’s backs, that they’re there for each other, and that if one of them falls, or one of them is injured, they’re there to support each other. I know Tessa was injured for quite a few years and had to have surgery on her legs, and Scott had to wait around and be patient, and I’m sure, take care of her when they were in practice together, and she was in a lot of pain.
I think these are the things that really attract us to this couple; they have that teamwork, they have that trust, they have respect for each other’s compatible characteristics. There’s that real expression of masculinity and femininity that’s celebrated, and you get to see it working very, very well together.
We also have to remember that Scott and Tessa have been working together for 20 years. I’ve been watching some of their interviews, because I’ve been equally as fascinated by them as the rest of the world. They have had to overcome struggles of communication, respect, consideration, compassion, all of the same things that couples have to go through, and they’ve been working at it for 20 years now.
The thing is, it’s a romanticized version of reality in relationships. In our marriages, we have so many other things going on. It’s not this beautiful, choreographed dance that’s taken years and years to tweak and develop and practice, and it’s not set to this beautiful music montage with the crowds cheering for us. So, what do these characteristics really look like in a relationship on the ground, with the nitty-gritties of life?
Well, it looks a whole lot messier. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had people giving us standing ovations for having those characteristics in our marriage? That’s why I’m a marriage cheerleader, because that’s what I do. I love to give couples standing ovations!
I think that should give us a lot of hope in our relationships and our marriages. This is absolutely attainable. Just like Scott and Tessa had to go through extreme amounts of practice, and learning new skills, and working with professionals to figure out tools, not only in choreography and the way their bodies work, but also in communication, and respect, and trust, and all of those wonderful things, we have to do the same in our marriages in order to get to that place of being on the same team.
We’re fascinated by their relationship because we love that it’s possible for that kind of teamwork and trust to exist, and we want and yearn for that in our marriages. So, I want to say, just like they encourage other people to keep on going after their dreams, to keep on pursuing their Olympic motivations, I want to encourage you, in your marriages, to keep on going, and let you know that that kind of relationship in a marriage is so possible. You can win your gold medal in your marriage (if you want a cheesy analogy), and I know this because I’ve achieved it in my marriage. It hasn’t been 20 years, but we’ve been working on it for about 17 years now. I see it in other couples that I work with, and couples that I am friends with and that I know, because I dig around in people’s marriages when they work, and I’m very fascinated by it all.
If you want some support, just like Tessa and Scott get (I can’t even imagine the thousands, the hundreds of thousands of dollars they’ve spent on coaching), if you want that kind of support for your marriage, I have one spot left in Marriage Mastery, and I would love to welcome you in. We start March 5th. It’s a year-long program, and it’s a commitment, just like winning a gold medal is, but it is something that will get you that teamwork, that support, and that incredible trust for you in your relationship.
Have a great day, and go enjoy some more Olympic stuff!