You’re a mom. You’re touched out and exhausted from providing needs for children all day long. At the end of the day, the last thing you want to do is hop into bed with your husband and provide yet another need for another person. You’re not craving intimacy…you’re craving alone time! You’re craving a time where nobody is touching you and you don’t have to meet anybody else’s expectations. Yet, at the same time, you want to want sex and enjoy it. You don’t want to have a sexless marriage. Here are three truths to consider to help you find a solution for yourself in your own busy life.
Truth #1: You have a right to be alone.
You have a basic human right to have space. Space from people, from expectations, from your husband’s touch, and from your kid’s touch. You can set boundaries with your children and with your husband to have space. You can walk away and leave the kids with your husband (or your husband with the kids). Whatever you need to do. You have a right as an individual to some alone time, both in mental space and physical space. Until you have that space, you won’t have an opportunity to want because you’ll always be pushing people away.
Truth #2: Sex isn’t about meeting someone’s needs.
We get fed this terrible message that says your husband has a need and you just have to suck it up as a good wife and provide it for him.
That is not sex. That using somebody else for their own advantage.
Sex is about coming together and having that mutual connection and pleasure that both of you can enjoy. Without that intention, sex feels icky and gross, not something that you’re looking for and wanting.
Truth #3: Touch is about nourishment and pleasure.
If touch doesn’t feel like nourishment and pleasure, then do not do it. Ask yourself…what kind of touch, in this stage of your life, feels nourishing and pleasurable? Is it a massage? A tight squeeze? Someone running their hands through your hair?
Is it gentle and caring? A touch that doesn’t have expectation or pressure on it? I hope these truths have sparked some ideas about what’s possible in your life and what rights you have as a woman. Thousands of women have put these basic truths into practice, leading them to more nourishing, connecting, pleasurable, and regular sexual experiences.
If you’d like to learn more about my Wanting It More program, sign up for the waitlist at jannadentonhowes.com/wantingitmore.