Let's talk about something rarely discussed around the sexual experience; the practical environmental aspects that can really increase the quality of your interaction together and help you enjoy sex more.
Women often do not consider these ingredients to be something to consider, question or incorporate. I'm focusing on eight different categories you can easily upgrade in order to thoroughly see sex as a self-care practice and be something you can look forward to.
Here are eight simple pleasure upgrades that will create the perfect environment for you to enjoy your sexual experience.
Some like it hot and some like it cool. Use your thermostat, open up some windows, put on the AC, or use a cozy blanket to create a comfortable climate. Personally, I do not like sticky, sweaty skin against each other so I use a sheet very creatively as we move throughout our experience together. A heat pack or a cool pack can be helpful. Sometimes, when it's hotter, I need to take some breaks to separate from the other warm body in my bed.
Make sure you are well hydrated, that you've had a snack, and that your blood sugar is at a good level. I really enjoy taking a break during our expereince to have a snack together and share intimate time in a different way. I mean, who doesn't like a snack break?
Take a shower or a bath so you can feel more comfortable being naked with another person. One Wanting It More alumni shared she uses shower time to get in the right head space to center herself in her body. I like to sometimes take a shower beforehand, alone, and just repeat to myself, "pleasure, pleasure, pleasure," as the water is hitting my skin to remind myself that my body has tremendous capacity for pleasure and it's safe for me to get out of my head and into my body to prepare myself to connect with my husband. Maybe shave or ask your husband to shave. I love a smooth, fresh face to snuggle into. Brush your teeth so your breath is fresh and ready for close contact with your partner.
Being comfortable 100% of the time is imperative to your sexual enjoyment and clothing plays a big part. Your clothing should feel cozy and comfy. You're allowed to keep your clothing on as well. Did you know that? One alumni shared she used to hate when her husband undressed her because she felt uncomfortable and cold, but that's just what she had seen and that's all she knew. Now, she often keeps her shirt on and feels much more comfortable getting close. Another tip is to wear your husband's shirt. His pheromones can really help you feel safe and protected.
Different types of music or sounds can be really enjoyable and also very practical to drown out other sounds that are going on in the home. You can try instrumental music, love songs, spa music, heartbeat sounds, the ocean; whatever works for you!
Make sure you have adequate privacy. This is so important in order for you to relax and feel safe. Have a lock on your door if you have kids. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb so you don't feel the intrusion of a phone call or text.
Having a nice scent in the room can attribute to feelings of safety, pleasure and enjoyment. Perhaps you can try a nice scented lubricant. It's also important to eliminate scents which are off-putting. If your husband wears a cologne you don't enjoy or is too strong when you are close, ask him not to wear it during your time together.
I used to always think romantic lighting had to be candles, but sometimes candles are just not practical. They don't offer enough lighting and you might actually have negative connections with candles because they are so frequently used in the stereotypical as-seen-on-tv sexual encounter. Instead, I like natural lighting. You may like the cozy darkness to snuggle up in your little cocoon with your husband.
To conclude, listen to your body and create the environment it can be most happy in. Brainstorm and think about what might be nourishing, delightful and pleasurable for you to try during your next sexual experience.
Please let me know in the comments if any of these suggestions sound interesting to you. What's your favorite scent? Do you like it light or dark? Let me know how this video has impacted you and if it's changing your mindset about what it looks like to design an experience that you can genuinely, 100% look forward to every single time.
I'm in your corner.
PS - the next round of the Wanting It More Program starts in January 2021. Click here to sign up for the waitlist!