I believe that women are the spark of change in a marriage. Some people might not agree with me, and some women would rather not have that responsibility. However, I think it’s a strength and a blessing that women have. I have seen men respond beautifully to that spark of change, if done in the right way. However, it can be lonely, which is why I want to talk about our community.
In this post, I’m going to talk about what you need to do to combat loneliness as you take courageous steps to improve your marriage. It is not an easy road, and it does feel lonely, and you feel like you’re the only one out there trying to make it work. You’re reading the books, doing whatever you can do improve the situation. I have had many times in my marriage where I’ve taken bold steps, and I needed certain types of people around me.
Who Are We As Women?
I think women are up against a lot of extra challenges that are unique to us. We are dealing with a lot of cultural conditioning and unwritten expectations about who we are supposed to be. As mothers and wives there is a lot of pressure that I don’t think men experience. I think they’ve got their own set of challenges, for sure, so this is not a competition of “who has it worse”. Also, from an evolutionary standpoint, women are gatherers. Men would go out and hunt, and they were solo people. Yes, they would kind of work in groups, but they had to be very quiet, so as to not scare away their food, so the family didn’t starve.
The women would be at the watering hole picking berries, chit chatting, hanging out with people, and that was just … It’s part of our makeup. It’s in our DNA. And so women need community desperately, especially when they’re taking courageous steps in their marriages. What often I see is, even though you’re the spark, it takes a couple of times to get it right. I mean, I think my husband and I have perfected the art of making fires on the beach in the west coast of Canada, but I digress. Now I want to go have a beach fire.
It Takes a (Positive) Village
Women need community. Women need other women who are married around them who also assume good intentions of their husbands. Sometimes I see women with community around them, but those communities are actually doing the women a disservice in their relationship. Why? Because they are focused on “husband bashing” and encouraging criticisms and complaints. And there is a fine line there. You need to have women who will say, “Oh, yeah, honey, I get you. I totally know how it feels.” And at the same time in their minds, know that those husbands are good men who are trying their best. We’re all affected by our culture.
I have witnessed women do incredible things with a community of women around them who also support their husbands. I have had the absolute honour of being able to witness a community grow like this. In my program, “30 Days To Wanting It More“, we have a Facebook community. I wish someone would do a research project about this community one day because it’s phenomenal to see women coming in shy and uncomfortable talking about sex, and finding a community that is encouraging. It’s also supportive, wise, funny, relaxed, and ultimately is there to support each other growing strong marriages. That’s what women need to deal with and be the spark of change in their relationships.
Join The Program
If you are considering joining 30 Days To Wanting It More, I hope you do. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, this is a community to help women who don’t want sex very much in their marriages. They maybe never have, or don’t currently, whatever the situation. They’re really struggling, and it’s really affecting their relationships, because if you both don’t want it much, then that’s just fine, there is no problem there. But if it’s a source of tension in your relationship, and you want that to change, this is the place for you. And we go so far and beyond just solving that one topic.
We talk about the male brain, and how to assume good intentions of your spouse.
We talk about communication, how to assert your needs (what your needs even are), developing a healthy relationship with your body… all sorts of lovely stuff, which I believe you need to do with other women. Other women who get you, and understand how we are affected by our culture around us. When you are doing courageous things, which I ask you to do in the program because that’s the only way change can happen, you have a network of women around you. They’ll say, “Yes, I get it. I’ve been there. And I’m a year out from where you’ve been. Hang tight, the going will be hard sometimes, but you’ll be okay.”
If you would like a taste of this community, I invite you to join a really unique and exciting live discussion. I’m going to invite some of the 30 Days To Wanting It More community members who have been around for some time and can answer your questions. I like to use the word “mentor” because I think I can only do so much. It’s actually the people in it, and the community members who can do and say way more than I can. I invite you to join us. That will be Friday, September, 14th. I’ll put a link below to sign up for that call, and also ask your questions. If you can’t come to the live, I will be sending out the recording.
I hope you join.
It’s a really fun group of women (seriously), and you’ll see that we’re all just regular people trying to create healthy marriages. We want to grow our intimacy, understand our husband’s brain, and create a movement of empowered women. I hope you’ll join us!
If that doesn’t interest you, try to find a community of women who will support you, think good thoughts of your husband, and help you assume good intentions. You also need people who will encourage you to move away from criticism toward clear requests. One that supports you, cheers you on, and loves all the great stuff that you’re doing in your relationship. You don’t want them to see it as a competition. Instead, they should believe that we’re all just trying to do our best.
I’ll talk to you guys later.