I believe that women are the spark of change in a marriage. Some people might not agree with me, and some women would rather not have that responsibility, but I think it’s a strength and a blessing that women have. I have seen men respond beautifully to that spark of change, if done in the right way.
In this post, I’m going to talk about what you need to do as married women to combat loneliness as you take courageous steps to improve your marriage. It is not an easy road, and it does feel lonely, and you feel like you’re the only one out there trying to make it work. You’re reading the books, doing whatever you can do improve the situation. I have had many times in my life and in my marriage where I’ve taken courageous bold steps, and I needed certain types of people around me.
[thrive_headline_focus title=”Who Are We As Women?” orientation=”left”]
I think women are up against a lot of extra challenges that are unique to us. We are dealing with a lot of cultural conditioning and unwritten expectations about who we are supposed to be. As mothers and wives there is a lot of pressure that I don’t think men experience. I think they’ve got their own set of challenges, for sure, so this is not a competition of “who has it worse”. Also, from an evolutionary standpoint, women are gatherers. Men would go out and hunt, and they were solo people. Yes, they would kind of work in groups, but they had to be very quiet, so as to not scare away their food, so the family didn’t starve.
The women would be at the watering hole picking berries, chit chatting, hanging out with people, and that was just … It’s part of our makeup. It’s in our DNA. And so women need community desperately, especially when they’re taking courageous steps in their marriages. What often I see happening is, even though you’re the spark, if you’ve ever tried to light a fire before, it takes a couple of times to get it right. I mean, I think my husband and I have perfected the art of making fires on the beach in the west coast of Canada, but I digress. Now I want to go have a beach fire.
[thrive_headline_focus title=”It Takes a (Positive) Village” orientation=”left”]
Women need community. Women need other women who are married around them who also assume good intentions of their husbands. Sometimes I see women having community around them, but those communities are actually doing the women a disservice in their relationship because they are focused on “husband bashing”, and encouraging criticisms and complaints. And there is a fine line there; you need to have women who will say, “Oh, yeah, honey, I get you. I totally know how it feels.” And at the same time in their minds, know that those husbands who are apparently the challenge are good men, and that they are trying their best, and we’re all affected by our culture.
I have witnessed women do incredible things with a community of women around them who also supports their husbands, and thinks good thoughts about their husbands. I have had the absolute honour of being able to witness a community grow like this. In my program, “30 Days To Wanting It More“, we have a Facebook community. I wish someone would do a research project about this community one day because it’s phenomenal to see women coming in, feeling shy, feeling a little uncomfortable talking about sex with other people, a little bit worried, a little intimidated, and finding a community that is encouraging, and supportive, and wise, and funny, and relaxed, and ultimately is there to support each other growing strong marriages. That’s what women need to deal with and be the spark of change in their relationships.
[thrive_headline_focus title=”Join The Program” orientation=”left”]
If you are considering joining 30 Days To Wanting It More, I hope you do. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, this is a community to help women who don’t want sex very much in their marriages. They maybe never have, or don’t currently, whatever the situation. They’re really struggling, and it’s really affecting their relationships, because if you have both don’t want it much, then that’s just fine, there is no problem there. But if it’s a source of tension in your relationship, and you want that to change, this is the place for you. And we go so far and beyond just solving that one topic.
We talk about the male brain, and how to assume good intentions of your spouse. We talk about communication, how to assert your needs (what your needs even are), developing a healthy relationship with your body… all sorts of lovely stuff, which I believe you need to do with other women. Other women get you, and understand how we are affected by our culture around us. And when you are doing courageous things, which I ask you to do in the program because that’s the only way change can happen, you have a network of women around you who say, “Yes, I get it. I’ve been there. And I’m a year out from where you’ve been. Hang tight, the going will be hard sometimes, but you’ll be okay.”
If you would like a taste of this community, I invite you to join a really unique and exciting live discussion, in which I’m going to invite some of the 30 Days To Wanting It More community members who have been around for some time, and can answer your questions. I like to use the word “mentor”, because I think as the leader of the program, I can only do so much. I think it’s actually the people in it, and the community members who can do and say way more than I can. I invite you to join us. That will be next Friday, or depending on when you’re reading this, Friday, September, 14th. I’ll put a link below to sign up for that call, and also ask your questions if you can’t come on live, I will be sending out the recording.
I hope you join. It’s a really fun group of women (seriously), and you’ll see that we’re all just regular people trying to create healthy marriages, grow our intimacy, understand our husband’s brain, and really grow a movement of empowered women who want to make a change in the world. I hope you’ll join us, and if that doesn’t interest you, try to find a community of women who will support you, who will think good thoughts of your husband, who will help you assume good intentions, who will encourage you to move away from criticism, and to making clear requests. One that supports you, and cheers you on, and loves all the great stuff that you’re doing in your relationship, and not seeing it as a competition, but believing that we’re all just trying to do our best. I’ll talk to you guys later.